Groundhog Day Resolutions for a ‘Fat Old Man’: Starting the New Year, Wisely (and Gently)

Alright, fellas. Another year is upon us. Eggnog’s gone, the festive lights are coming down, and that favorite chair of yours seems a little harder to get out of than it was last week. The mirror? Well, let’s just say it’s not telling any new stories. If you “fit the description” – maybe you’re carrying a few extra pounds and the years are definitely starting to add up – you might be feeling that familiar tug. The Groundhog Day Resolution pull.

For a lot of us, especially those of us who are, shall we say, experienced and robust, the idea of a New Year’s Resolution can feel like a cruel joke. We’ve made ’em before, right? “Lose 50 pounds!” “Run a marathon!” (Even thinking that one probably made your knees ache). Too often, these grand plans fizzle out faster than a cheap firework.

But here’s the thing: Resolutions don’t have to be about becoming someone you’re not overnight. For the “fat old man,” they can be about making small, manageable changes that actually make life better. More comfortable, more energetic, maybe even a little longer and healthier so you can annoy your grandkids a little longer.

So, let’s ditch the unrealistic dreams and talk about resolutions that make sense.

1. Resolution: Move… Just a Little More

Forget “hitting the gym” five days a week right off the bat. That’s setting yourself up for failure (and probably some sore muscles you didn’t know you had).

• Try This: Start small. Seriously small. Your resolution could be:
  • “Walk to the mailbox every day.”
  • “Take a stroll around the block three times a week.”
  • “Stand up and move during commercial breaks.”
  • “Find a simple stretching routine you can do while watching the news.” The goal is consistency, not intensity. Gentle movement helps with stiffness, circulation, and just generally feeling less like a stuffed armchair. Consult your doctor before starting anything new, especially if you have underlying health issues.

2. Resolution: Tweak the Grub

Nobody’s saying you have to live on lettuce and water. That’s miserable, and misery doesn’t last.

• Try This: Focus on one or two small dietary swaps that you can stick to.
  • “Drink one less soda a day, replace it with water (gasp!) or unsweetened tea.”
  • “Add one vegetable to dinner.” (Doesn’t have to be fancy – frozen peas count!)
  • “Cut back on second helpings.”
  • “Swap that sugary dessert for a piece of fruit a few nights a week.” Small, sustainable changes over time make a bigger difference than a crash diet you bail on by February. It’s about progress, not perfection.

3. Resolution: Engage Your Brain (and Maybe Your Neighbors)

Getting older and carrying extra weight can sometimes mean spending more time alone. Use the New Year to connect.

• Try This:
  • “Call a relative or friend once a week just to chat.”
  • “Join a low-key club or group.” (Think book clubs, historical societies, model trains, whatever floats your boat that involves other humans).
  • “Learn something new online or at the local library.” (A new language on an app, how to fix something, local history). Keeping your mind active and staying connected helps ward off loneliness and keeps things interesting.

4. Resolution: Prioritize Sleep (Seriously)

It sounds simple, but good sleep is crucial for energy, mood, and overall health.

• Try This:
  • “Try to go to bed and wake up around the same time, including weekends.”
  • “Cut off screens (TV, tablet, phone) an hour before bed.”
  • “Make your bedroom dark and quiet.” Better sleep can make all the other resolutions feel a little more achievable.

5. Resolution: Be Kind to Yourself

This is perhaps the most important one. Life happens. You’ll miss a walk. You’ll have that extra slice of pie. Don’t let a slip-up derail everything.

• Try This:
  • “If you miss a day, just get back on track the next one.”
  • “Acknowledge your small victories.” (Walked an extra block? Drank more water? Good job!)
  • “Don’t compare yourself to anyone else.” Your journey is yours.

Being a “fat old man” isn’t a death sentence, but ignoring your health entirely will likely speed things along and reduce your quality of life in the meantime. This New Year, forget the heroic transformations. Aim for doable improvements. Aim to feel a little better when you get out of that chair, enjoy your food a little more mindfully, keep your brain sharp, and stay connected.

Here’s to a New Year filled with small steps that make a big difference. You got this.